Meat salad

I just thought I should check in and let you all know that I am not dead. I have one more post besides this one to share, but I am doing this one first because it’s shorter. I have developed a delightful condition in which eating any food leads to horrible stomach pain, so writing a food blog is intensely unpleasant right now. Nevertheless, here you are.

The bear (a bag clip) seems to want to eat this salad.

I decided I should have salad for lunch this week, because I didn’t want to cook. I found a bunch of contenders (because for some reason I could not come up with my own salad recipe… I now have no idea what was so difficult about it, but I guess I wanted something more interesting), wrote down the ingredient lists for a few of them, and then spent literally an hour at the grocery store trying to decide which to make. I was in a haze of exhaustion (I ended up going to bed at 9 p.m. that night) for unknown reasons and just COULD NOT make a decision. At one point I was in the deli line to buy ham; then I left to check to see if there were radishes for sale; then I went back to the line and bought salami and provolone. This sounds like the setup to a one-minute mystery. (The only one I remember: A man goes into a restaurant and orders pelican soup. He takes a bite, then goes outside and shoots himself.)

You probably already know the answer to that.

Anyway. I ended up making an Italian-ish (well, it had some moderately Italian ingredients) salad courtesy of Martha Stewart. I usually steer clear of Martha Stewart but just now, trying to articulate why, I couldn’t think of a reason. I think it’s just a general sense of creepiness. But my defenses were down yesterday due to my extreme tiredness. And her recipes are quite delightfully layed [note: this is blantly incorrect grammar but I’m leaving it in to be a rebel] out on her website.

So. I bought things, except the pepperoncini, because I knew I wouldn’t like them and they would stay in the fridge forever. But I bought the other things. Oh, I bought grape tomatoes instead of plum tomatoes, because all the tomatoes at my grocery store always look vile except the grape tomatoes (from California, I think…) and sometimes the vine tomatoes (more on that later if I remember and decide to post again this week; don’t worry, it’s an extremely boring story).

Once home, I cooked some other things and then started to weigh lettuce leaves. It was weird. I don’t usually do that. I realized that when cooking recipes (rather than baking recipes) give things in weights, I have this visceral feeling that it is a diet recipe and you’re measuring your ounces lest you accidentally eat too many. But that’s probably not true of this recipe… well, I don’t know. Either way, I was curious about what Martha Stewart sees as an appropriate lunch serving of salad (this salad was in the lunch category). And also I don’t know how much lettuce you should put in a salad. Ultimately, the amount of lettuce in five ounces (like five leaves, I think) would only fit in my absolute largest Tupperware, the kind that I get whenever I buy enormous quantities of baked ziti from the next-door Italian restaurant. (Note: The Tupperware pictured on Martha’s website would NEVER fit that much lettuce. Unless she bought some kind of extremely dense lettuce. But I wouldn’t want to eat that.)

I salad-spun it and put it in the Tupperware with some unchopped grape tomatoes, sliced provolone and salami. I threw the salad dressing ingredients into an old (clean!) salad dressing container and shook it violently until it emulsified.

Not the exact same photo as above, but pretty close.

Today I ate it. Some notes:

  1. There is not enough salad dressing. This is another reason the recipe feels diet-y to me. (But there’s salami and cheese, so…???) What there is, is perfectly good, though. Very easy.
  2. It tastes good! It seems weird because there are so few ingredients, but it’s very flavorful and yummy. The amount of meat, cheese vs. lettuce, tomatoes seemed correct, too. The problem, though, was that I couldn’t mix everything—there was some clumping among the salami—so I kept eating too much salad or too much salami and it was all disproportional.
  3. Does anyone want to donate a new stomach to me?

Since there are so few pictures in this post, here are some goodies. And I’m not posting the recipe because I am scared of Martha Stewart. Just go to the website. It looks nicer there anyway.

View of Manhattan from the Governor’s Island Ferry. I was able to crop out everyone’s heads… except for that one dude’s. Sorry, tall dude.

Fitzpatrick had a cold for all of last week (he’s fine now). He would sneeze violently 6+ times in a row and then rub his nose with his paw. It was very sad/cute/funny. (Cell phone picture; ensmallened because of horrible quality.)

4 thoughts on “Meat salad

  1. I can tell you are out of sorts because you let this through: “quite delightfully layed out.” Feel better!

    Also fuck one-minute mysteries, I hate those things.

    • Yeah I actually thought about it and could not decide which one was correct!!!! Let’s just say it’s the disease talking. Oh, but layed is not even a word, is it? OMG I HATE GRAMMAR I SHOULD BE FIRED

      I LOVE one-minute mysteries. We spent all of Harvest doing them.

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