Toaster cake and the end of an era

The end of the era is not the end of this blog. This blog is eternal, like … two very small eternal things. However: I did today finally finish this Russian TV show I’ve been watching for like 700 years. (And before that, I was watching a different Russian TV show that this one is a spinoff of.) This is very momentous and all that.

(Also, there is going to be a spinoff of the spinoff. The first comment on the trailer on YouTube says, “Who is going to watch that… WELL nonsense completely.” [Directly translated from Russian.] The second comment says, “Hurray!”)

I just tried to find a clip of the show to embed here for you, but I could not find a good one; it is a very bad show. Here instead is a clip from Kukhnya (Kitchen), the original series:


As you can see, it is a work of great comic genius. (They are trying to cure someone of the hiccups by scaring him with a cat; instead, the wrong person gets scared, and is cured of their stuttering.) This clip also features Fedya and Senya, great best friends after whom I am going to name my cats someday.

Anyway, it was really hot this weekend but I wanted cake, so I made cake in the toaster. It turns out this is something you can do. No one else on the internet has made a beautifully illustrated blog post about this before, so I thought I would break some more frontiers in the food blogging world and be the first.

Oh. I should point out that it is a toaster *oven*, not a regular toaster. But I hope someone was impressed for one paragraph at the thought of my making cake in a regular toaster.

Step one: Find a cake recipe that doesn’t involve going outside. I used this one because I had cream cheese in my fridge. It does not have chocolate; that is obviously a shortcoming.

Cream cheese and butter

Ughhhhhhhhh. This is cream cheese + butter.


Step two: Make the cake. (I halved it, both because I didn’t have that many ingredients and because I wanted it to fit in the toaster.)

Sometime previous, like years or months previous, you should buy an electric mixer. Otherwise you will have to mix it 600 times by hand, which I did. No, that’s a lie. I did 500. (Aside to sisters/parents: CASE OF 12 HONEY CAKES???? LET’S BUY THIS IMMEDIATELY.)

Mixing 500 times

You wouldn’t think mixing 500 times would make a noticeable difference. BUT IT DOESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.


Step three: “Preheat” the toaster (i.e., turn it on) and carefully construct a toaster-sized cake pan out of aluminum foil. Pour your cake into it. Stand on a chair and put it in the toaster. Or don’t, I guess, if your toaster is not on top of your fridge. Whatever. You do you.


If you were on NCIS, you could click “enhance” a few times and figure out what I was watching.


Step four: After half an hour or so, check to see what is happening in there. When you open the toaster, do not let the cake slide out and onto the floor. It might want to. Observe that the cake is not nearly done, and put it back in. Turn the toaster up to like 350 or 375.

Step five: Return to an air-conditioned room and do something else for a while, like watch Hotel Eleon and judge yourself for not abandoning ship every time it gets offensive, which is like 30 times per episode. (It also talks a lot about mental illness and domestic abuse. It’s really weird and fascinating and I am going to write an extraordinarily long think piece about it in the near future.)

Step six: Check the cake again after another half hour. Turn the tray around. It is too late to make a difference at this point, because it already has not baked evenly and one side will be brown and it will look like a melted cheese sandwich. But none of this matters because we are not on The Great British Bake Off.



Step seven: Eat cake.

Step eight: The next day, eat more cake. Rejoice, etc.

(Actually, it was pretty good. Aside from looking weird and being unevenly baked, there was nothing wrong with it. I can say with full confidence that you may hereby bake cakes in your toaster.)

P.S. The sourdough starter is still hibernating in the fridge. We will return to it someday.

2 thoughts on “Toaster cake and the end of an era

  1. Nooooo! You need to include a photo of the toaster. Even if it is a toaster oven British kids get taught never to put metal stuff into it because it is highly dangerous and becomes an episode of “The Great British Send Off”. I know this because I blew up our toaster trying to retrieve a burnt bit of…. toast, I suppose, with a knife when I was about 9 or 10 years old, plus my friend was blasted across his kitchen trying something similar. Aluminium foil in a toaster?!? Yikes!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s