Hot plate hot problems

I don’t really know what the title of this post means. I only have a hot plate in my kitchen here, so I am going to be experimenting with Hot Plate Cooking. I haven’t even made the dish in question yet, so maybe it will be fantastic. Haaahahaha it will not.

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This picture has nothing to do with the post, I just like it. It’s from the Osh Bazaar.

Today I discovered a horrible truth: there are apartment-hunting websites far, far, far, far, far worse than Craigslist out there. Like, I am sitting here actively thinking I WISH THERE WERE CRAIGSLIST IN BISHKEK. This seems like a very bad sign just about life in general. (The ads here either don’t tell you where the apartment is or who the roommates are, or they want a girl who will pay no rent in exchange for making borsht.) Continue reading

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Food failures

It all started on Sunday.

I cooked an egg in the microwave.

It was the highlight of the week in cooking.

(It was actually a perfectly fine egg. I beat the egg in a mug and added feta cheese, and cooked for about 50 seconds; it was pretty much cooked just the way I wanted it, and it was in the perfect shape for putting on a biscuit.)

On Sunday night I made this sort of green curry with tofu and vegetables, even though I knew that my curry paste, which I bought QUITE a while ago, had very little taste and that the resulting product would probably be blah. It was extremely blah.

I also made red lentil–bulgur wraps, which have literally no taste whatsoever and are an odd texture. I had to make sriracha mayonnaise to put on them to make them palatable.

AND I made homemade tortillas, because the ones at the grocery store had approximately sixty ingredients and were insanely expensive. (I am as much a fan of chemical food as anyone, but only in things like Doritos. Tortillas are just supposed to be tortillas.) They taste like store-bought tortillas—i.e. completely uninteresting—and were not fun to make.

This one looks like the bad guys in Antz.

OMG Fitzpatrick will not get his face out of my cereal. (Which is stale by the way.)

See how sad he looks. Why is his face on his foot?

He likes hanging out in the bathroom.

I need food help.