Ugh, it is very early in the morning and this post might be extremely bad. So on Friday night, Jacqui and I made pizza. I made the dough Thursday night (through Friday), using Jim Lahey’s no-knead pizza dough recipe, which made my entire apartment smell wonderful and yeasty and bready. (However, it was supposed to rise for eighteen hours in a 72-degree apartment, which means whoever wrote this recipe does not live in a building owned by a slumlord. My apartment was maybe 64 degrees. Anyway, I put the dough in a bowl next to the radiator and hoped the cat would not eat it.)
Those little spots on the bottom of the coffee maker are yeast that spilled FUCKING EVERYWHERE when I opened the package. Yeast went all over the entire world.
The next day things took a potentially bad turn. Jacqui and I packed the bubbly dough in a not-big-enough tupperware and took it on a very long walk across Manhattan, through Whole Foods, to her apartment. At this point it had been in the cold for at least an hour, and it was not happy. Then we divided it into two balls (it was supposed to be divided into four) and I tried to shape it pizzeria-style. I was informed that I would not be allowed to throw it in the air and catch it. Then I rolled it out. Overall, I did such a bad job of this that Jacqui started over, this time using all the dough in one giant ball.
So she rolled it out again with the rolling pin, we topped it, etc., and baked it in a 500-degree oven for ten minutes.
Then we broiled it a bit.
Then we ate it and watched Elementary.
As you can see, the pizza did not really form air bubbles. I think this is because we cooled it by accident and rolled it way too much, and only created one pizza out of the giant amount of dough that was supposed to be enough for four, so it was probably too heavy and couldn’t expand in the oven or whatever it’s supposed to do. And also, I am incompetent with yeast. The taste was REALLY good, though–it was all sourdough-y. So we ate it and then we were extremely full because we ate a massive amount of bread in a very small pizza package.
The end. Oh, and upon further reflection, I don’t think I liked Elementary. Sorry, Jacqui.
The Relatively Shitty Cook 